Well it's back to Monday and I've been in here for 17 days. This reminds me too much of my mercy days when I was in for like 25 days or something. Except Mercy was so much "cushier," as I always bring that up everytime I write about the two. But I'm growing to tolerate it.
This morning was yet another rough night. I don't remember my blog from the night before and I hate going back and reading them the night before because there are so many mistakes that I've made that I want to change. But I don't. I want people to experience the chemo-ness in full. Short term memory and all....because chemo brain IS real. I forget things I'm talking about, and my mind is just scattered in general (if you know me at all) that when I'm on medication, it's 40x's worse. But God loves me anyway. Today it hasn't been too bad but now I find myself falling asleep at the drop of the hat. I watch a lot less TV so what else do I do than? really, I couldn't answer that question. This calls for an experiment....to be called.....A day in the life of Kim Begay. I'm going to sit with paper right beside me and record all that I do and what gets done to me (vitals, medication, converation...) Etc. This will start at midnight.....if I remember, which I probably will because it seems as though I have an internal clock that wakes me up then for no particular reason.
I think I was going to do this in my past blog....but since my sleep has probably been cut because old people wake up early an all, I think I can manage.
Anyways, back to this morning, it was terrible. My nurse didn't have very good bedside manners and it was really like a person collecting his/her paycheck. Sure I understand it's the night shift, but you chose it and had to accept it. He was just careless in everything he did and never gave off any type of remorse for waking me up, even though I tend to wake up pretty easy and unless I'm dealing with extreme pain or nausea, I even try to be pleasant. It reminded me of teachers who do the same thing, collect the pay check, abuse the system, and really, it's the kids who are suffering. I don't know how else to put that out there without putting him on blast because that really isn't what this blog is about. Its about the positives and the unexpectedness one or familly's can go though relating to the cancer experience. Anyways, just know I had a terrible nurse, who shall remain nameless.
Other sub sequential events followed my awful morning that I care not to share on here because it will lead to an emotional break down (that is quite normal) for patients to have. I'd rather not relive those moments, I just pray and hope that no one has to experience it. I'll leave it at that. Don't ask me privately, because the only response will be "huh?"
So after an emotional breakdown early this morning, I fell asleep hard and slept until around 10am and debated on whether or not to call down to brunch but then realized that my stomach is getting mainly upset when I fill it with products like dairy (go figure) because it's hard to break down (who would've thunk) so my morning cereal that I've been eating everyday, as well as my toasted bagel with creme cheese wasn't exactly the best thing I could've been putting in my body at the beginning of the day. But you learn as you go and I definitely did. Right now, I'm on a chicken noodle soup diet because that seems to be getting the job done and anytime I want it, I have crackers on deck and even a Shasta Twist to go with it just in case. My carbonation craving is back (the sensation that you get as soon as you take your first drink of a newly opened bottle or can) so forget yellow gatorade (that's chemo drink b/c of electrolytes and sugar), I'm all about the CANS of coke, sprite, cherry coke, Lemon-Lime coke perhaps? don't rush up here with a 24 pack of little coke, just a mini six pack will do because I'll only drink the first half of it. LOL. WOW, I just read that again and NO i'm not saying if you visit you have to bring one....but many of you ask if I want something. And that's my want. LOL. I'm so picky.
Well it's 9pm and every night at 9 I watch King of Queens on TV (my only show for the day) and I need to get up and make this soup. Have a good night....No word on release yet, but like I said, the doctor is being cautious and I ran a fever last night so blood cultures will be done in the morning! :)
Good night,
Love you all.
Kim
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